Duct tape, staples, morals…. All ways to not have a baby like EVERYONE else.
Now lets begin like this. I love kids, I’ve worked with kids, I like to hang out with kids, and I just got a badass new nephew. The new addition to the family is the greatest thing since sliced bread stuck together with Velcro covered in Tang. SO, he is the shit and will be my next climbing partner when the little chap is old enough. Having a kid is not what this is about. This is a question of timing, age, and accidental injection.
For all of you crazy motherfuckers that decide to have a baby at a young age or accidently after not bagging your rig after too many Pink Pussy shots at your local Bang n’ Brew... Am I missing something? Am I not doing something right? Why would you want to bring your spawn into the country’s worst depression since 1930? Wait a few years when you can afford baby formula while simultaneously paying rent on your apartment. The fact is every single person I know has a baby or is literally pregnant at this point in time. I get it! I get the fact that kids are cool and are a life changing experience. But most of the time they happen on accident. How the hell do you get knocked up on accident? Don’t you crazy fuckers do your dirty deed in a safe… and freaky fashion? I just can’t imagine having a child right now, maybe I’m self centered and not ready to be a grown up. Or maybe I’m smart and safe when it comes to getting my “hump on.” When you get wasted and choose to go home with Miss Spredegle or Mr. Sexandtell don’t be an idiot and screw a kid from a “normal” childhood by not even knowing the name of the person you just took home. Have some class. Go to a movie eat something that closer resemble popcorn not pussy.
If you are CHOOSING to have a baby in a committed relationship, then more power to you. However, you’re still fucking crazy! Everyone I know that is pumping out a shit machine is younger than I am or really close to. Help me understand why I should have a kid before I’m ready at the age of… 40? I will have all my shit together, done all my solo projects, and if I happen to survive all those, I’ll have my own little patron of puke. When I’M ready, not pushed into it, and with my head screwed on straight. Until then, I’ll let you know if I fuck up before the ripe old age of 40. I’m finally done speaking on behalf of my brain and will naturally abort this blog. Thanks.
-Rev. Atom
ps a baby is not a handbag or the sexy new hairstyle, it's life. So don't be a d bag.
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